Internet Inspired By Movies and Starts Killing People!
Thanks to such films as FeardotCom and the upcoming Untraceable the Internet itself has figured out that it too can kill people. Authorities are hoping cell phones haven’t been encouraged by One Missed Call and begin killing people as well.
“It’s troubling,” said a Time Warner Cable spokesman when asked about the situation. “For so long we have trusted the Internet to service our needs, never did we stop to think that it too may have needs.”
Rumors began floating around three months ago when folks in Manhattan and other areas of New York began dying as they browsed their favorite sites, but most deaths were chalked up as freak accidents. The situation became dire when anonymous video uploads began popping up on YouTube showing people on their webcams dying instantly. It is believed the Internet recorded the killings and uploaded the videos itself by tapping into back door access to YouTube servers.
In response to the situation several workers have been hired around the globe to gently stroke the wires that lead to major Internet hubs in an effort to hopefully calm the beast before it gets too upset. In a preemptive strike, major cellular telephone companies such as Sprint and AT&T have begun a cell phone care center in which people are encouraged to bring their cell phones in for an all expenses paid weekend where the phones will be gently cleaned and detailed. The service is said to cost anywhere from $750-$3,000 depending on the care package purchased. However, considering the consequences I think it is now time we all take better care of the electronics that take such good care of us.
There is no official word from Screen Gems, who is releasing Untraceable on January 25, 2008, as to whether they will continue with release plans or, due to the dilemma, delay the release until things have calmed down. Warner Bros. has already issued a statement saying they will not release One Missed Call on DVD until they are certain the cell phone threat has passed. They have considered, however, releasing the film on HD DVD to officially kill the format.
Filed under: Breaking News