Daniel Day-Lewis to Open Milkshake Parlor Chain

Daniel Plainview (Daniel Day-Lewis) and his Milkshake

Little Boston, CA–Oscar winning thespian Daniel Day-Lewis disclosed plans Monday to open a nation-wide chain of milkshake parlors named There Will Be Milkshakes!, in reference to his latest film and acclaimed performance in There Will Be Blood. 

When asked how his milkshake parlors would manage to compete with established ice cream franchises such as Dairy Queen and Steak and Shakes, a bent, unshaven Day-Lewis replied, “Drrrrainage! My boy. Drainage. I’ll  drink it up. Everyday. I’ll drink the blood of lamb from Dairy Queen’s tract. Dairy Queen is a false prophet of the milkshake business and the Choco Cherry Love Blizzard is a superstition!”

Afterwards, Day-Lewis admitted he desires no other milkshake companies to succeed and sees nothing worth liking in all other ice cream related products. Then the press conference concluded suddenly when Day-Lewis glumly stated, “I’m finished” after threatening to cut the throat of Steak and Shake CEO Duane Godable if he ever told him how to run his milkshake maker again

With previous forays into shoe making and wood working, Day-Lewis’ decision to enter the milkshake business surprised few Hollywood insiders.

“The man can do it all,” said Alan Monowsky, a Hollywood agent at Creative Artists Agency. “Day-Lewis is known for staying in character long after production. My guess is he’s still Daniel Plainview from There Will Be Blood in some ways. But starting up an oil business these days is just a ridiculous idea. So since Plainview has that great line about milkshakes, it’s not shocking Day-Lewis  is entering the less cut-throat milkshake industry in the persona of Plainview.”

Movie Geeks Anxiously Await Superbowl Trailer for Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2

 Happy Geeks

Hollywood, CA–In a last minute press conference Sunday morning, Warner Bros. Studios surprised and delighted movie fan boys across the nation by announcing the much anticipated teaser for The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 would be revealed during the Superbowl. 

“Director Sanaa Hamri has been locked in the editing room for 2 weeks straight in order to put together this exclusive spot for the Superbowl,” said Warner Bros. publicist Jerry Savage. “I’ve seen it. It’s arguably the most emotional 1 minute and 25 seconds I’ve ever experienced. Male movie geeks across the country won’t be disappointed. We’re expecting a hugely positive reaction across the Internet, where this teaser will be available for download Monday morning.”

After the news was issued, Aintitcoolnews owner/operator/self-proclaimed Head Geek Harry Knowles proclaimed in a headline, “The Best and Greatest Footballtastic Teaser EVER to be Witnessed During Superbowl!! MOVIE GEEKS REJOICE!!! Warner Bros. is OUR NEW GOD!!!!!” And within the article Knowles went on stating, “I was tingling in my ballsack for the Iron Man spot.  I had a juicy boner for a possible Dark Knight trailer….but The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2!!!! Oh my god this is better than my birthday and Christmas and Fantastic Fest and The Rolling Roadshow and an Olsen twin threesome all rolled up in one….I’ve been dying to see some footage from Hamri’s sequel. Dying!!!!! What an awesome brilliant masterful beautiful surprise from Warner Bros!!!!!” The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2

Knowles wasn’t alone in his enthusiasm. In movie website forums across the Internet, fan boys were exclaiming in ectasy. According to one film nerd who writes under the handle AnakinJonesSolo, “To be serious guys, I have brain cancer. I was hoping to live long enough to see The Dark Knight. But with the surprise teaser for TSofTP2 coming out, I know I can hold on till August now. This teaser will make me live longer. I know it!!!!!”

Little is known about the story for The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2. However, according to a synopsis on the Warner Bros. website, the film continues the adventures of a pair of traveling pants.